There are two brothers competing for the affections of one you Japanese woman. Yeah– they think she is gorgeous. I think she looks sort of man-ish with her mullet. But, gender is a social construct and I’m digressing. They spend most of the summer gambling with cards and women. They also drive boats around a lot. Mostly because the man-ish woman refuses to ever get in a fucking car or meet anyone in a normal place. Oh, and most of the characters are always drunk.

The film has a surprise ending. And you’ll have to sit through a lot of slow build up to get to that point, just like their romance(s) slowly heat up. It ain’t hard to see how this movie had 50s Japan all shook up with contraversy. Definitely a movie worth watching at some point. Beautiful, beautiful shots make you wish you were a spoiled rich kid in postwar Japan.

1. 1. CNN
2. 2. Media Studies Professors
3. 3. TechSavvy 12 Year Olds
4. 4. Generation X
5. 5. Babyboomers

Reasons Twitter is Popular

1. People like limits
2. People don’t like to read a lot
3. 140 Characters is a good amount of information to process
4. Tweet is fun to say
5. The kids are doing it
6. People = Lemmings
7. Iran
8. It is the end times

Reasons I have a Twitter

1. A girl I had a crush on had one

Reasons Twitter is Not Cool

1. Everybody is doing it.
2. CNN likes it
3. Tumblr is a better micro-blog
4. Micro-blogging is a dumb word
5. It has pornbots

Reasons Twitter doesn’t Make Sense

1. The name doesn’t mean anything at all
2. You can limit your own blog to 140 characters
3. People shouldn’t care that much
4. It’s a Facebook update– without the facebook

Social Websites Cooler Than Twitter

1. Tumblr
2. Listography
3. even OkCupid!

Reasons Listography is Fantastic

1. Making lists is more fun than writing in text messages
2. Listography can never get the same popularity as Twitter
3. Helvetica is better than Twitter’s font
4. There are no porn-bots
5. CNN doesn’t know about it
6. Did I mention You make lists– just like you can do anywhere?
7. Everyone writes in lists
8. You can write as many characters as you like, without self-editing.
9. Making lists is fun.

Reason I Got a Listography

1. Boy I had a crush on got one.

My Listography

I met her in the entrance to her dorm, and suggested we go to the basement to talk. I nodded my consent, and felt sick to my stomach. Not only was the break up inevitable at that point, but I had seen a bat in that basement a few months before, and I was grossed out. We sat beside the laundry room. In the most uncomfortable, worn out chairs I’ve ever seen. I also swore there were bats watching from the pipes overhead.

I’ll spare the details of the break up– mostly because I ended up sounding like a blabbering sentimental idiot, and I like being suave in my anecdotes. The details are unimportant– what is important is that a) she shattered my self esteem, b) I made a fool of myself, and c) it took an hour and a half. As I left, I found out that a major thunderstorm had appeared, and I made my way to my good friends Zach and Jesse, who were waiting with our friend Jimmy Beam.

I spent the rest of the semester, about two weeks, alternating between being brown-out drunk (the worst kind, really) and being the absolute biggest downer in the world. I was in such bad shape that I thought it was a good idea to give her a mix tape expressing my feelings. It included a song I wrote for her… on ukulele… recorded in GarageBand. It is absolutely the worst mixtape I have ever given anyone. Right after I gave her the tape I hopped a shuttle to the trainstation, and began the 17 hour trainride home.

When I got home I proceeded to watch approximately 387,098,231 romantic comedies. On the 387,098,231st movie I realized maybe I should leave the couch. Instead of doing something constructive, like writing a prize-winning play or eating, I decided to comb through my parents’ record collection. I listened to some Earth, Wind, and Fire, as well as some Luther Vandross before I found the gem of that winter break. A copy of Cloud Nine by The Temptations.

I listened to the whole thing. The sky opened up, and God literally told me that this album existed only for this exact moment. So of course I listened again. And again. And again. Then I smoked a cigarette, drank some instant coffee, and popped some vicodin (it was lunch time, you see). Then I listened to it again, but only Side 2.

Side 1 of Cloud Nine isn’t horrible. It’s just not the same as Side 2, because 1 is basically a collection of singles. Side 1 is happy, and joyful in comparison to Side 2.

Side 2 of Cloud Nine has 7 fantastic tracks that are all about forlorn, recently-unrequited love. It’d be more useful if I give a general outline of each of them.

Love is a Hurtin’ Thing: This track manages to talk about how similar love is to heroin addiction. Boy meets girl. Boy injects girl into veins. Boy is only happy when girl is around.

Hey Girl (I like Your Style): Not a pick up song. Surprisingly. This is about the “girl” leaving. Really this song is a continuation of Love is a Hurtin’ Thing. Basically we all have to go through withdrawal. Not making out for a few weeks isn’t going to kill anyone. Begging someone not to leave is pathetic really. “Oh, god. I can’t believe I gave her that mixtape.”

Why Did She Have To Leave Me (Why Did She Have To Leave): She took the best of him. Like she took the best of me. This song is about letting the whole world know that you are sad, and don’t know why she left you. Maybe because there were some dependency issues, but you never notice them when their yours.

I Need Your Lovin’: Relapse. This is the point where after 2 years of AA you get wasted. People get along just fine without lovin.’ I, however, was convinced that I couldn’t live without someone to dry hump on my couch (we never did fuck).

Don’t Let Him Take Your Love From Me: I was convinced that there was another guy. I don’t know if she ever did. I could just feel it, and she never did agree to monamory. As embarassing as it is, I saw her at a party months later with some guys arm around her, and was pissed even then. Mostly because I think I’m better looking, but also because I became convinced that she chose him over me, but who knows. At this point it doesn’t really matter that much.

I Gotta Find A Way (To Get You Back): This is always the most embarassing moment in someone’s life. When they’re convinced that they can win someone back. I thought if I became wittier, smarter, less of an alcoholic, she would come back. Turns out I was wrong– though maybe I didn’t become any of those things in actuality. I at least thought I did. Turned out she really no longer had an interest, because she basically didn’t speak to me for 3 months.

Gonna Keep On Tryin’ Till I Win Your Love: This is where I split off from The Temptations. Did I still think she was heavenly, and all that jazz? Well, gee willikers, of course I did. She was tall, blonde, and skinny– looked like a model. And liked the same things I did. I would hook up with her even now. Will I ever. No. Because when it comes down to it I’ve moved on, plus I’d like to turn her down sometime.

I asked my mother if I could steal this record and bring it up with me. She said no. Eventually I got the cd, but it wasn’t the same. Some of the magic has gone missing. Or maybe it’s because I’m not utterly depressed anymore. I do have one regret from that summer, and its that I gave her a mix tape before I listened to this album. Otherwise I would have just given her Side 2 of Cloud Nine, because it would have expressed everything a hell of a lot better than me and my ukulele.

Wild Young Hearts is the soundtrack for a very specific moment that occurs in most people’s lives, or at least mine. Around the same time that I was babysitting that prospie while my friend rocked out to the Noisettes, I had just ended a very complicated, and short lived romantic/sexual entanglement with a young woman. We had been hooking up for around a week and a half, and she ended things because apparently I was getting too attached, because I wanted to be friends and hook up buddies. The point is Wild Young Hearts would have been the soundtrack to that particular moment of my life. That moment when instead of missing a former significant other/fuck buddy you reach for the phone to call them out of habit, not because you miss them, but because you miss making out to Sigur Ros on a dorm bunkbed. Basically you’re bored and don’t know how to be alone. Wild Young Hearts captures this specific ennui perfectly.

Unfortunately for the Noisettes capturing boredom, and then making it exciting is hard to do. This is the Caffeine-Free Diet Coke version of a rock album; technically it’s still Coke, but really– come on. The problem is, the same people that drink Caffeine-Free Diet Coke more than once (I wasn’t paying attention) are the same ones who would like this album more than once, and find it exciting every time. This may have been an attempt at branching out, but it might be that the Noisettes need more time to set their rock roots first. As it is this Wild Young Hearts sounds like a Morcheeba tribute band released a studio album after being dumped, and bored as shit.

Young Wild Hearts (Mercury 2009) The Noisettes

In the summer of 1916 there was something scary in the waters off the Jersey Shore. It may have been less scary than the medical waste that washed up in the ’80s, but then again little things are scarier than swimming in hypodermic needles. In July of 1916 a total of four people were attacked in the longest, most concentrated string of shark attacks in US history. A fantastic concept for a metal album, I shall admit.

It’s been a while since I’ve actively listened to anything approaching metal, and after relistening to a few bands I can see why. That said Jersey Shore is the best nautical monster themed album since Mastodon’s Leviathan. Jersey Shore is heavy. Sonic waves slowly lapping your eardrums, building up slowly until you’re caught in the albums jaws with the fifth track, Great White Bull. Then, just as the actual shark attacks ended suddenly with no explanation, the sixth, final, and title track slows things down before leaving you with the sounds of waves softly hitting the shore.

This album is one of those albums that must be listened to in its entirety. With beer. In your friends basement, while you discuss whether or not sharks are scarier than medical waste.

Chan is Missing

This mvoie was one of the first American films to portray Chinese Americans in a realistic way, and was shot with a budget of less than $20,000. It is the film that launched Wayne Wang’s career. Wayne Wang is a director for all of those interested in cinema to examine well. I would argue he is one of the best directors in the country, and possibly the best Asian American director in the nation.

Chan is Missing makes the veiwer hyperaware that they are watching a film. While I was watching this several people asked if it was a documentary, because of the camera shots and acting. Then in that peculiar way that happens the film became so hypermediated that it became immediate, and real. You felt like you were not just watching a real cab driver searching Chinatown for his missing friend, but that you are there, floating invisible behind him. This movie is not for thrill or action junkies, as I learned from constant questions about when it would end, but it is fantastic none the less.

The film completely obliterates any idea of a monolithic Chinese Americaness that could exist in the corners of your mind (along with obliterating postivist, vision-based epistemologies).  A must watch if you like good films. Otherwise, go watch Transformers 2. Really. I heard it was good. It’s got explosions n’ stuff.

Chan is Missing (1982)